Eating disorders: warning signs and how to help

Talking about our relationship with food and with our own body is never simple, and even less so when you sense that something is not right with someone you love. Perhaps you have noticed changes you do not know how to name, or perhaps you are the one who feels that food has stopped being something natural and become a constant source of distress. Whatever your situation, we want you to know one thing from the very start: you are not exaggerating, and you are not alone. Eating disorders are real, complex and deeply painful health problems, but they are also treatable. In this article we want to help you understand what they are, how to recognise the warning signs and, above all, how you can help from a place of respect and care.

What eating disorders are

Eating disorders, often called EDs, are serious disturbances in the way a person relates to food, to their own body and to their emotions. It is not simply about eating more or less, but about a deep suffering that takes up much of a person thoughts and shapes daily life. Behind the food there is usually a desperate attempt to manage distress, to feel a certain sense of control or to soothe an anxiety that is hard to put into words.

There are several types, and although they share common roots, they show themselves in different ways. Anorexia is marked by an intense preoccupation with eating and a distorted image of one own body. Bulimia involves episodes of loss of control followed by strong guilt and by behaviours meant to compensate for them. Binge eating disorder involves recurrent episodes of eating accompanied by a strong sense of losing control and by deep distress afterwards. There are also other forms that do not fit neatly into these categories and that equally deserve attention and help. In every case, what matters is not the label, but the suffering of the person.

They are not vanity or a whim

One of the most harmful myths surrounding eating disorders is the belief that they are a matter of vanity, of wanting to keep up with fashion, or a passing whim that can be overcome with willpower. Nothing could be further from the truth. An eating disorder is a serious mental illness, with psychological, biological and social causes interwoven together. No one chooses to have it, just as no one chooses to have anxiety or depression.

Reducing an eating disorder to a superficial concern about appearance is not only unfair, it also pushes the person away from the help they need. Food and the body are, very often, the visible surface of a much deeper pain: low self-esteem, fear, perfectionism, difficulty putting into words what is felt. Understanding this is the first step towards truly being able to support someone, without judgement or reproach.

Warning signs worth knowing

Detecting an eating disorder early makes a great difference, but it is not always easy, because the person who suffers it tends to hide it out of shame or fear. Not all the signs need to appear at once; sometimes it is enough to notice a significant change that lasts over time. Here are some clues that can help you stay attentive, always with tact and without becoming a watcher.

In terms of behaviour, it is common to observe a growing preoccupation with eating, changes in the way of eating, rituals around meals, a tendency to eat alone or to avoid social situations that involve sitting down at the table. There may also be an excessive interest in physical activity, lived in a rigid and obligatory way rather than as something enjoyable.

• Emotional signs: persistent sadness, irritability, marked anxiety around meals, extreme self-demand, feelings of guilt or of not being enough.
• Social signs: progressive isolation, giving up hobbies and friendships, avoiding plans that revolve around food, becoming evasive when the subject comes up.
• General physical signs: tiredness, difficulty concentrating, mood changes, sleep disturbances or frequent complaints of feeling unwell without a clear cause.

None of these signs alone confirms a disorder, but their sustained presence is reason enough to approach the person with care and to raise the possibility of seeking professional help.

Self-esteem, body image and social pressure

We live surrounded by messages about how our bodies should look. Social media, advertising and certain everyday comments constantly convey the idea that there is one valid model and that anything that departs from it is a flaw to be corrected. This pressure sinks in especially with those going through moments of greater vulnerability or insecurity.

When self-esteem rests almost entirely on appearance, the body becomes a battlefield. Body image, that is, the way each person perceives and feels their own body, can become distorted to the point of no longer matching reality. In that context, food stops being nourishment and becomes a symbol of worth or of failure. Understanding the weight these factors carry helps us to look with more compassion and to question the messages that, without realising it, we all repeat at times.

Risk factors

Eating disorders do not have a single cause. They arise from the combination of several factors that influence one another, and this is why two people with very different histories can end up developing similar difficulties. Knowing these factors is not about blaming anyone, but about understanding better and being more attentive when they add up.

• Personal factors: perfectionism, self-demand, low self-esteem, a tendency towards anxiety or control, difficulty managing emotions.
• Family and life factors: situations of stress, losses, major changes, painful experiences or dynamics where food and the body receive a great deal of attention.
• Social and cultural factors: aesthetic pressure, comments about physical appearance and constant exposure to idealised images.
• Biological factors: certain predispositions that may make some people more sensitive, although they never act in isolation.

The existence of risk factors does not mean the disorder is inevitable. Many people exposed to these circumstances never develop an eating disorder, and others find, with support, the path towards recovery.

They affect people of any age and gender

The idea persists that eating disorders are something that happens to young girls, and this belief does a great deal of harm. The reality is that they can appear in childhood, in adolescence, in adulthood and even later in life. They affect women and men, people of any gender identity, body, profession or background.

When we think that an eating disorder only happens to one particular profile, we run the risk of not recognising it in those who do not fit that stereotype. An adult man, a child, an older person or someone with an apparently well-structured life may also be suffering in silence. Keeping an open mind and setting prejudice aside allows us to detect sooner what is happening and to offer help without delay.

How to help a loved one

If you suspect that someone close to you is going through an eating disorder, your role is very valuable, although it can also feel overwhelming. You do not have to solve it yourself, nor be a therapist; your presence and the way you accompany them are already an enormous support. The most important thing is to convey that you are there, that you do not judge and that your care does not depend on their appearance or on what they eat.

Choose a calm, private moment to talk. Express what you feel from a place of affection, speaking about your concern for their wellbeing and not about their body. Listen more than you talk and accept that they may not yet be ready to acknowledge what is happening. Patience and consistency are worth more than a single great speech.

• What helps to say: "I am here for whatever you need", "you matter to me and I care about you", "you are not alone, we can look for help together", "you do not have to go through this on your own".
• What is best to avoid: comments about their body, their appearance or what they eat; phrases that minimise ("it is not that bad") or that blame ("you just need to eat"); quick advice or ultimatums that increase the pressure.

Avoid turning every meal into a moment of surveillance or conflict, and do not comment on other people bodies, not even as a compliment. Accompany without controlling, respect their pace and, when possible, gently encourage them to take the step of seeking professional help. Remember to look after yourself too: supporting someone is draining, and being well allows you to hold up better for the person you love.

The importance of early, multidisciplinary treatment

Asking for help as soon as possible greatly improves the chances of recovery. When an eating disorder is detected and addressed in its early stages, the process tends to be more manageable and the suffering lasts less time. This is why it is not wise to wait until the situation becomes extreme to act; any moment is a good moment to begin.

The approach to eating disorders is multidisciplinary, because it affects many dimensions of the person. Psychological work helps to understand the origin of the distress, to rebuild self-esteem, to reconcile with the body and to develop tools for managing emotions. Depending on each case, this support is combined with the follow-up of other health professionals. The essential thing is that the person does not feel alone in the process and that they receive comprehensive, respectful care adapted to their pace. Recovery is possible, and many people rebuild a healthy relationship with themselves and with food.

When to ask for help

You do not need to be certain in order to seek guidance. If you notice that food, the body or weight take up a disproportionate space in your thoughts, if that causes you distress, or if you observe several of the signs we have mentioned in someone close to you over a sustained period, it is a good moment to reach out. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but of care and courage.

Nor do you need to wait for a moment of crisis. A first conversation with professionals can help you make sense of what you feel, understand better what is happening and decide the next steps calmly. Sometimes, simply being able to talk about it with someone who listens without judging is already an enormous relief.

To go deeper, you may find our article on how to stop comparing yourself helpful, and you can learn how we work on self-esteem.

At ER Psicologia, Emiliana Simionescu and Raquel Sanchez Ortiz offer you a safe, non-judgemental space to put into words what worries you, whether for yourself or for someone you love. If something you have read here resonates with you, we warmly invite you to book a first consultation with no obligation, at our centres in Tres Cantos and Colmenar Viejo or online. We are here to accompany you, at your own pace and with all the respect you deserve.